Funny Not Slutty? Dangit!

So it's been a little bit since the last time I've written. I was busy with finals (hey fifth year of college!), volunteering (a donation to DVSAS in a family member's name could be the perfect holiday gift!) and well, writing and performing comedy. I competed in my University's version of Last Comic Standing and won which was really fun (but not as fun as performing with comics who are becoming my friends and putting on a good show with a bunch of my best friends in the audience!) The prize was an opening spot for an Upright Citizens' Brigade show. That was also fun and of course I took them out to show off Bellingham's local dive bars after the show, ending the evening in drunken karaoke. For the record, karaoke with experienced improv comics is as much fun as it sounds like and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't throw my bra at one of them for singing an excellent version of an Otis Redding song. Which Otis Redding song? No idea.
But at any rate, I've been doing comedy for a few years but since I started this blog a few months ago and started holding myself accountable to BEING A COMEDIAN and DOING COMEDY I've learned about myself and others and life. I've been going places I normally wouldn't go (The Cobra Lounge) hanging out with people I normally wouldn't (bros) and learning things about myself and people that I wouldn't have otherwise. I'm really loving it. With that said, it's difficult.
My life seems as if it is in a bit of a transitory phase. Which is good I suppose. As my friends and I are graduating college and moving away, our communities, lifestyles, and beliefs are shifting. We're changing. And people always should be.
Evolving.
Still, as I'm stretching myself and my ideas about comedy and society (to be open and postmodern to a degree that would have made me throw up in my mouth a couple years ago)I can't imagine myself not needing a feminist community. I need radical freaky weird girls around me to be sane. Often I go about my life worrying if people like me and assuming they don't and feeling like I don't fit in. Which is fine, because I'm a comedian. It's also fine because I'm a feminist. Rad, hairy, hysterical feminists make me feel like everything makes sense because they all know as I do that nothing makes sense. I also feel this way about comedians.
Can I combine my love of social justice with my love of comedy? Where is this community?
Time for some quick online research...
Seemingly the most active site for feminist comedians is Funny not Slutty. I'd like to start off by pointing out that I think this is a rad thing as are all hubs for women making connections. Although, those of you who know me, know that I am against a funny/ slutty dichotomy. Their slogan is "Funny not Slutty, We make women laugh." 'Tis a noble cause. But why the name? They Say, "Well, when you get a number of females together who want to show off their stuff to get attention, they are usually slutty chicks. But we’re not. We’re funny chicks!"
DANG IT! NO! I hate this divisiveness amongst women. It's "we're better than you because we're funny not slutty."
Personally, I'm pro slutty. I would hope my humor has an anti slut-shaming message. Can we stop pointing the finger at women? Lets challenge patriarchy, not just the women who are living within and surviving a patriarchal society. Can we start respecting women already?
It's true, I have short hair, rarely wear make up and don't shave. I don't look slutty. And I do comedy, so I'm funny. This leaves men and some women who think it is a feminist action and think it's appropriate to bash other women to me because the these women wear short skirts and lots of makeup and flirt with boys.
One time for Halloween, I dressed up as a slutty firefighter in a blond wig and even some of my own friends who didn't recognize me looked at me like I was a piece of garbage and men felt even freer than they already do to harass me and grab me. However, this is what we tell women to be. No matter what you do or how you look, you can't win.
You're too pretty, too dumb, too slutty or too bitchy, too ugly, too crass, etc... Either mainstream society, or men, or feminists or whoever will judge you.
Furthermore, I believe the reason a lot of women don't do comedy is because being funny is seen as the antithesis of being sexy or pretty which is what society is most concerned with women being. This leads me to ask...
Can I live?
Can
I
LIVE?
I see women who might be stereotyped as "breezies" to be some of the most receptive to my comedy. I would hope they leave feeling uplifted and inspired and respected. If I achieve this with my comedy, that would be really incredible to me.
It's about people feeling comfortable in their own skin and laughing at all the reasons they aren't. Or something.

Another site that I really liked but didn't seem to be updated regularly is Wisecrack. I especially enjoyed their interview with Margaret Cho. That was a really neat and helpful article to me. I liked it when she gave advice that suggested not sleeping with male comics even though you will. Tell me about it.
This interview with Morgan Murphey was also inspiring and informative. It is "On Sisterhood in Comedy and Making People Laugh."
These lady comics are affirming my understanding of the need to have a supportive lady community in my freaking life.

My friend Jenn says (and I think she's quoting someone, likely a riot grrl rock girl from Olympia of some mid 90s type), "Everybody needs someone to get them, if only for 15 minutes." This is so true. Could be family, activists, feminists, comedians and generally human beings. Just gotta keep living and growing, pushing myself and staying true to my core. Ultimately not worrying about those who "don't get me" and giving back those who do. That's my advice to my funny/ slutty/ whole human being self. Through the years I hope to revisit this as my life/ career progresses.

EVIL

On facebook chat:
Me:Oh no, My set for Last Comic Standing is pure evil...
Janette Casolary: What kind of evil?
Me: Female sexuality evil...

Oops!
Sorry Pope Benedict!


Also, could you look any more like the Empirer in the Empire Strikes Back? Yikes.

Time turns into color...

SO, this is my favorite thing right now. I had a little too much Robitussin the other night and I stared at that website and laughed for at least an hour and shared it with whoever happened to be on facebook at 3am.
Oh goodness, well... my life is going normally. Home for Thanksgiving. Writing comedy. The theme to my comedy is mostly death right now and that probably has something to do with the weather being absolutely apocalyptic right now. Yikes. Miserable. Hate it. The worst part of the snow and the holiday season in general is how cute couples get. Playing in the snow. Cuddling by fires. Disgusting. A couple was behind me in a long Starbucks line yesterday, baby talking, kissing, snuggling. I was like, "EXCUSE ME, some of us ARE LONELY!!! So unless you want to let me join you, I suggest you stop. But really, can I join you? Please."

I've had more stage time than usual in the past couple weeks, which is great because WWU's Last Comic Standing is in a week! I'm excited because I think that since we first had this event three years ago, a lot of us Western comedians have developed a lot. Anyway, I hope it's a good show.

So...I had an interesting experience last week where a friend of mine did a joke on stage that offended a couple girls in the front row. The joke was not a rape joke necessarily but it had rapey undertones. It was a "lack of consent" joke. A girl whispered under her breath "that's not funny" and this really upset him. I feel a little weird talking about this on my blog because I do have respect for him, but I found this to be a tricky and loaded scenario. I did my best to comfort him, because he was upset, but I also understood where these girls were coming from. I have written about these issues here and here. I get a little sick of writing about these things. In my opinion, his jokes weren't totally offensive but they were bordering on upsetting for me. I really respect him and comics like him who dedicate themselves to writing and performing jokes to make people laugh. However, when they get sooooo defensive and angry at people they upset, I feel bad for them but not as bad as I feel for the people they upset. Especially when those people are upset because they feel like jokes are condoning or encouraging rape culture (or other social/institutionalized oppressions). I would choose being the person who has to deal with telling an offensive rape joke over being the woman who has been raped and is triggered by the joke's content. I honestly feel that some comedians, especially white males, just absolutely do not understand why they are hurting people. It's really weird. I just want to tell them there's this invisible thing they can't see. It's called oppression and you aren't breaking it down, you're perpetuating it. If you understood it better maybe you could be smarter with some of your jokes and actually do some cool subversive and progressive shit with it. So, read a book.

It's sad in a way because society socialized them to be a certain way and then they're punished for it in ways they don't understand. Unfortunately their defensiveness or unwillingness to hear about it can be even more hurtful and oppressive.

FUUUUUCCK, I don't really want to be this person that has to talk about this shit. This is going to be a problem for me in navigating the world of comedy, I think.Sometimes I don't want to be "that girl." However, it's who I am. It's my world view. And it's right... so there. It is a bit of a burden to have views that differ from the mainstream. It is a never ending battle. It's annoying. That's why you have to fucking have a sense of humor about it.
But damn this shit is complicated.

In regards to comedians or others confronting people about their privilege in tactful ways (not that you have to, do what you want) this video by Jay Smooth is quite excellent. Replace the word race or racist with rape or rapist as need be.

In somewhat related news, this article spotlights an anti rape campaign in Canada called "Don't be that guy." It's aimed at preventing sexual assault. It has slogans like "Just because you helped her home, doesn't mean you get to help yourself." I love it. I'd love to do something similar in Bellingham/ Seattle this year. I'd love to have similar campaigns with creative and comical ways of shaking up society. Let's be real, it could use some shaking up.

On taking offense...

Last night I went to a comedy show that left me more depressed than before I went to it. This is certainly not what comedy should do.
The first half was pretty good. It was funny. Offensive jokes here and there but I could stomach them because overall, the comics were funny.
However somewhere along the lines the show became only about "midget jokes" accompanied with the occasional rape joke. It was honestly really embarrassing. However the rest of the crowd loved it. In fact they were encouraging it. There's something disturbing about seeing people just crack up at jokes that hurt you.
The explanation if you take offense is always, "It's a joke, it's just a joke." Or, "It's comedy." I understand, there is something to be said about laughing at jokes you're not supposed to or taking a taboo subject and laughing at it. Okay, I get that. Everybody does that. But where do you draw the line? I don't know, but sometimes I'll see someone, like maybe a white man, say something really fucking racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist in way that is just blatantly hurtful, unoriginal and unfunny and I just want to ask them if it makes them feel powerful. There's a lot of selfishness, entitlement, ignorance and privilege that makes people feel like they can and should put other people down. They're pushing other people down to raise themselves up. That's how privilege and oppression works.
There is no such thing as "it's just a joke." Words have meaning. They can have devastating effects.
Take for example the LGBT teen suicides that have been happening for a while but are getting a ton of attention lately (finally). This video discusses some different kinds of oppression that LGBT peoples face which contribute to the suicides. Around 1:26, Gene Fucking Simmons says, "Bullying isn't always about fists. It often starts with a joke." Jokes can be used to put people down, to hurt people, to scare people, etc... They can be devastating.
Laughter can be healing but it can also be cruel.
Once I was at the Horseshoe (local dive bar) with Paul Beatty (NO BIG DEAL) and we were talking about taking offense to humor. He said that he was chatting with Sarah Silverman's Rabbi sister who said she doesn't think it's legitimate to say you're offended. You're not offended. You're sad or angry or hurt or scared or upset or deflated, etc... (Here is an interesting interview he did that touches on similar issues.) I think Sarah Silverman's Rabbi sister is right. In that same respect comedians should note that people don't get offended just to get offended. There's usually something else going on that should be taken into account.
Comedians are always going to offend someone. But it matters how they offend them.
I offend people all the time. Especially when I'm talking about my sexuality. This is me expressing my experience and liberating myself. I'm not putting down already vulnerable groups. Quite the opposite. I'm resisting the silencing suppression of my Queer female sexuality by a patriarchal rape culture that would like me to stay trapped in a web of fear and shame.
In the recent documentary on Joan Rivers, she gets heckled by an audience member after a Helen Keller joke. The man yells out, "That's not funny. My son is deaf." She calls him a moron and says "It's comedy." However after her show she seems sympathetic towards him. I found it interesting to see how she dealt with this. Yeah, it's hard not to offend people. Often comedians will have some offensive material but are generally funny and smart and kind. I respect them.
I do not respect people who take the stage to unabashedly target a marginalized group of people like little people. It was really bad last night. The friend I went with was doing a lot of heckling. I might have stopped her because I know how hard comedy can be and I want to respect the comedians but fuuuuuuck. These guys were like the creepiest assholes. Also my favorite part of the whole show was when one comeian said, "Why would I be afraid of midgets? What are they gonna do?" and my friend yelled out "They'll light you on fire!"
Okay well. Thanks for humoring my female hysteria once again. Yikes.
Here is a pretty good article that talks about contemporary humor and ableism that is relevant to the issues mentioned above.
You know, I think I'm pretty good at giving comics the benefit of the doubt and I give them as much respect as I can. However sometimes, I'm just want comedy to fucking step it up and reach its potential of being fun and awesome and not shitty and fucked up. Sometimes shit is not okay, and people have every right to be offended.
This offensive show last night made me feel like I can't yet I have to do comedy.
I have to go to bed now.

Process

Hello. It's midnight. I'm a little lonely but probably fine. Wanting to get over a cough that I have had FOREVER and am almost certain is being caused by poison in the walls. I just tried to write a smart post regarding gendered humor, language and atmosphere in stand up comedy but don't have it in me tonight. Maybe tomorrow though. So look out for that. It's going to be a brilliant and enlightening experience for you. Fucking Plato coming out of caves. Seeing light and shit.

I have been obsessed with comedy lately. I've been writing constantly and when I'm not thinking about sex or sexism, I'm thinking about comedy projects. It is a little much. Perhaps it's good just to have a real creative outlet to persue. There's something about stand up that is just the lamest/ coolest thing to me. It is the incredible combo of lame and cool that draws me. I listened to an interview with Jon Stewart and he was talking about his stand up process. He said that somewhere along the lines he realized how good he was and how bad he was. There's something very comforting and very human about that. As I'm doing comedy regularly I'm really learning how good I am and how bad I am. It's empowering and humbling. I'm loving the process. I'm growing as a comic and as a human. And shit do I love making people laugh.

I performed at the Underground Coffee House this week and it was a great experience all around. Although I spent the time before hacking up phlem in the bathroom and trying not to pass out, once I got on stage I forgot I was sick. Sometimes I just have to force myself to go onstage and hopefully I can work through some shit and get off the stage feeling better than before. You could say... it's healing to express yourself.

Here's an article that our campus paper put out yesterday about the show.


I'm hoping there's gonna be more stand up around Bellingham and at Western this year.

Dane Cook... I'm a little impressed.

So as some of you may know, my strategy for making it as a comic is to start a rumor that I've been sleeping with Dane Cook. I have a comedy set that I like to perform in social settings called my "I fucked Dane Cook last night" jokes. This always works because if the people I'm telling this to don't know me at all they might believe me or think I'm crazy, either of which is entertaining for me, but if it's people who do know me hopefully very intimately as many do, the absurdity (which in my life means probablilty) of me hooking up with DANE COOK (the graphics and dialogue that me and Dane Cook might have in intimacy) is equally entertaining for all involved. So basically, if you ever hear anyone mention Dane Cook in passing, it's up to you to say, "Oh my, I heard that he's been caught sleeping around with Jessica Sele. You haven't heard of her? Oh she's a comedian. Yeah I think they have a sex tape circulating."

Well anyway, sometimes people ask me what my opinion on Dane Cook is and I say "don't have one." I've heard sometimes he's offensive. I don't know. Haven't seen enough of his stuff. No comments at this time. I think he's one of those people who are successful and easy for everyone to hate. I might hate him too if we didn't have freaky comedian sex all the time. Other than that, I cannot say.

EXCEPT THAT I am a little fascinated with Daddy Big Cookie's (as I call him in our throws of passion) commentary in next clip. It's interesting because I have a couple slightly funny jokes about people who say "that's so gay." I was meaning to write some jokes about overhearing people say things like "Oh man, I just raped that test." Then my friend sent me this:



Apparently I must have mentioned some thoughts I had about my set to Dane Cook while we were spooning...
A lot of comics have talked about the stigma and use of words in our society. The most famous of course being George Carlin. Then of course there's Dave Chappelle's take on the n-word (no I don't use the word. why? buy me a beer and I'll tell you why I find it unneccessarry). The most interesting bit on the n-word to me is in this clip of Richard Pryor. It's interesting because he was famous for the way he overused the word previously to this. I admire his bravery to continuously check what it was that he was saying. Richard Pryor was constantly thinking and evolving as true artists should. HELLO.
At any rate I would like to say that I'm pleasantly surprised with Dane Cook's commentary on the casual use of the word rape in our society. It seems to me that Mr. Mainstream might actually have some thoughts or critiques of mainstream society. So now when people ask me what I think of him and isn't he a sell out idiot, I'll have something to say in addition to my tales of our copulation which is "I don't think he's as much of an idiot as other people think. Maybe." Then again, I probably have lower standards than I should of what constitutes as smart comedy or good men. Sometimes I think I just try to make hey look like needles because I'm sick of looking... for real needles... in hey stacks... This to me is where, "Hey, at least he's not telling rape jokes!" meets "Hey at least he's not a rapist!" for many.
right.
Also, FYI, this bit has always cheered me up when I'm pretty desperately depressed, which is the best thing about comedy:



Also, Sorry my posts are so weird.
Actually, I'm not sorry.
Sorry.

The Personal is Political is Hilarious

Hey, you know what I love about stand up? It really just can't hurt me to be myself. There is nothing in me that is too embarrassing or shameful. The more I indulge myself by letting myself be HELLA Jessica Sele (emotional, hysterical, radical, smelly, crazy, analytical, nuerotic, etc...) the funnier. Embraces it, loves it.
God bless my poor Father who has been putting me through college and wants me to do something smarter with my degree. Can't blame him. Comedy is pretty dumb... hard to make money, it's not prestigous or societally respectable, hella people hate stand up these days... not to mention it's exhausting and miserable. I unfortunately just love it. My Dad likes to suggest other careers…
“Dad, I want to be a stand-up comic”
"Have you thought about foreign diplomacy?"
“Okay, Dad, seriously. I don’t even know what that is.”
I CANNOT GO INTO POLITICS. Which is such a bummer because I’m right about everything. But no, there is way too much dirt on me. Can’t be president with my track record. I imagine the media coverage:
“This just in: Presidential candidate Jessica Sele is a huge dirty slut. We here at the news team just Googled “Jessica Sele” and immediately found disturbing results. Now, some of these pictures may be upsetting for some of you at home. Janice, can you tell us what we have here?”
“Of course Jim. Here we have the presidential candidate simulating oral sex on a parking meter. Notice her pupils are dilated, she is not wearing a bra and she is holding a sign that says ‘Fuck the Police.’ Also, she is most likely menstruating. Is this the picture we want for America, America? God help us. God help us all.”

On the other hand, the one that’s not in my pocket… If I’m a COMEDIAN, I don’t think there’s anything you could say that wouldn’t help my career. Seriously, what are you gonna do?
“This just in: Jessica Sele, comedian, caught downtown being completely normal and boring. Is this the end of her career? Tonight at ten.”
As a comedian, I do not feel like there’s any part of me I really need to hide. I guess it wouldn’t be a good idea to get on stage and start crying or something. That’s not good for comedy. That wouldn’t be funny. Oh wait… yeah it would, just maybe not right away.
Can’t take life TOO seriously. It’s so gratifying to know that if someone came up to me and said, “Jessica, Oh my God! I heard that you had sex with a 34 year old man off of Craigslist casual encounters and then you got mad that the sex wasn’t reciprocal so you painted an angry vagina with teeth and googly eyes on the side of his house!” that I could just respond, “Oh so you’ve seen my act,” and laugh.