I'm just a girl in the city!

WOW!
So!
I’m living in Seattle thanks to some good friends helping me out.
I’ve been doing open mic nights every night and working on adjusting my material to the big city. People in my college town were sort of stoned and bored all the time so I feel like perhaps they were a bit of an easier crowd to please. Except for the folks at the local hookah bar; they were dead inside.
Anyway, I’m sort of flying by the seat of my pants, which is hard because I’m not wearing any.
There’s really no jobs it seems. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude and see my life in a romantic starving artist sort of way as opposed to a loser sort of way. It’s hard to value what you do when society or capitalism doesn’t always validate it. But I must stay strong! I must persist!
I am Jessica Sele and I am a COMEDIAN!!! And I'm gonna get business cards!!!
and comedy is imporant...
so I'll do it. okay.

Seven probably not deadly updates

Whoa. I haven't posted since FEBRUARY. That is absolutely out of line. Not okay. My deepest apologies go out to the blogosphere. In my defense I was trying to get a college degree real quick. Did that! Phew! Now I can be a stand up comic for all times.
Let me catch you up on a few things I've been doing/ feeling over the past few months:

1. "Eat your way through the East Bay"
Went to Oakland/ San Francisco for my Spring break. It was fabulous. Well, it was pouring rain the whole time and I had no money. However, I not only thorougly enjoyed the rad stand up comedy scene there, but also the abundance of lesbians who, like Starbucks, were garunteed to be found on nearly every street corner. I was feelin' real glad to be Queer.
Also, doing stand up open mics was really great and fun. Completely nerve wrecking, but fun. First I went to a ladies open mic night at the Brainwash, which is a cafe/bar/ laundry mat... I hope some day that I can time my comedy sets perfectly with my laundry. Then, this lady Morgan invited me to do comedy with her and some other folks at the Stud! I had a blast.
I also went to see Marga Gomez in one of her "Marga's Funny Mondays" at the Marsh in Berkely that she does. It was just so great and funny. Also, I found this video of that show we were at. You can hear me laughing. I just had that "this is where I belong right now" feeling. You know the kind other people get from like hiking? (I've been thinking a lot about hiking because I've been doing online dating and you have to pretend that you like hiking or kayaking to get the attention of Pacific Northwest lesbian environmentalist types. Not that I hate hiking, I just strongly prefer not to.) Anyway, the whole experience pushed me further towards moving to the bay. So that's the plan.

2.Dealing.
I think I've been doing a lot of growing in the past few months as far as accepting and understanding people are concerned. I've calmed down some. My outlook has changed about some of my difficulties with comedy. I don't really know how to explain this right now so I'll get back to you later on this. Basically I think I've grown much thicker skin and am better about being practical and using my heart and brain to push for making comedy more progressive/ funny/ accountable without burning out or keeping myself from being involved in comedy.

3. Doin' It and Doin' It and Doin' It Well.
I've had this blog for about a year and since then I've gone from needing to push myself to get on stage multiple times a week, to constantly craving more. Whereas I've played around with the idea of myself as a comedian for years, I didn't really become a comedian until this year. Now I'm a little obsessed. However, I think I'm happier than I've ever been, although still obviously quite neurotic.

4. S.U.C.K.
At Western, a group of students put together the Stand Up Comedy Klub. There was a pretty good sized group of comics who were really great and funny that I got to hang out with, set up shows with, write jokes with, etc... We also made some connections with folks at the Upfront who were wanting to do more stand up comedy. Anyway, making friends who do what you do makes all the difference. I think we had a pretty good little stand up scene going in Bellingham for a bit that I'm proud to have been a part of.

5. My first story!
I was pretty proud and excited when the local Bellingham paper, "What's Up," did a story about me. I really liked the way it was written and am pretty pleased about it. Here's "Jessica Sele: Beyond kitty cats and periods."

6. The Roast of Jim Allen (not Tim Allen).
So I was in my first roast a few weeks ago. Some of the dudes from S.U.C.K. and I got together and roasted our friend, Jim Allen, who has been doing comedy consistantly in Bellingham throughout his college career. We roasted him in the Underground Coffee House where Jim went to every single open mic night for four years. I really respect Jim's love of and dedication to comedy. It has made me push harder. Derek Sheen (who is hilarious) from Seattle came up and roasted him as well. I can't put the video up online, but if you send me a couple bucks I'll burn you a copy and send it to you. It's worth it, especially if you know Jim Allen.

7. comeD.I.Y. ZINES!
I am really into the idea of making zines to express myself and make a few bucks to support my comedy career. This might be the first of many endeavors that will become "Jessica Sele the Merchandise." I'm working on one right now that I'm really excited about that will explore the ways my sexuality and my comedy are connected and make up who I am. It will be a comedy zine but also get into some heavy and honest aspects of my life. I'm gonna be real, it's gonna be really good.
In the mean time, I just finished a zine called "Born This Way: The Politics of Essentializing Sexuality." It's pretty controversial, but I think I make an okay case, and it's entertaining. I have a bunch of printed copies, so I can just send you one. If you send me a couple bucks then you'll be supporting my work and I'll even sign it for you! If that sounds like a pain in the ass, just give me your email and I'll attach the pdf to a message and send it to you.

I feel as if 7 is a pretty good Biblical number of things to write about so I feel okay about this now. Please forgive my inexcusable blog neglect and try to learn to trust me again! Now that I'm out of school all I want to do is write cool things and make cool things that will make you laugh and stir your brains around in an uncomfortable yet pleasing and validating way that connects us all to our greater humiliating humanity!

My summer plans besides saving money to move to the bay, are to do a ton of writing, making videos and other projects that address issues ranging from globalization to ackward dates to foot fungus. So do not touch that dial! Do not get up from that sofa! Stay tuned! Cool stuff coming up! I swear! Just, stay right there!!!

Ridiculous

Comedians just make the most sense to me in terms of worldviews right now. Because shit is RIDICULOUS.
The best way to explain the bullshit bills republicans in Congress were trying to pass in order to limit what constitutes as rape for abortion coverage is in this Daily Show video.
In case anyone was wondering how "rape jokes" can be provakative and subversive, there ya go.
THANK YOU.

Capricorn

In the past couple of years I have gotten really into whorescopes. love'm. I wonder if this is because I've done so much deconstructing social stereotypes that I've started channeling my need to generalize in this direction. I'm really progressive with race, gender, sexuality and ability, but I don't much like Aries or Scorpios.

When I told my Mom when I was dating a woman it was really emotional for me because I was worried she wouldn't be okay with it. She was. But she got really mad when she found out the woman I was dating was an Aries. Aries tend to be really self centered and rash, just flailing around and charging at shit with their stupid ram heads. But hey, I have a really good friend that's an Aries.

Anyway, my horscopes lately have been super relevant to my comedy career. Like really literal. Like this one from Free Will Astrology:
Stand-up comedian Arj Barker says that when he writes each of his jokes, he's thinking that all he needs to do is make it funny enough to get at least three people in the audience to laugh at it. More than three is gravy, and he hopes he does get more. But if he can just get those three, he believes, he will always get a lot of work in his chosen profession. In accordance with the astrological rhythms, Capricorn, I urge you to adopt a similar approach. To be successful in the coming days, you don't need an approval rating of 80 percent.

How did they know?



Also, I just really relate to being a goat/fish. okay?

Deeper Than Our Cuts

I’ve had an odd time getting back on my comedy feet since the holiday break.
I’ve been performing at open mic nights here and there and feeling just a little off; which is fine because you certainly can learn and grow a lot from a rough patch. Failure can push you. I can feel it pushing me as I’m seeking for words in front of a blank audience. I’m working hard to find my footing. But I feel that I’m where I should be.
Tuesday night was particularly rough for me. A group of other Western Washington University comics and I did an open mic night on campus which went FINE. Then we had a few drinks and went down to an open mic night at our local hookah bar, “The Cobra Lounge.” I went first and bombed really hard which didn’t phase me too much as I was fairly faded. My friends went on after me and had similar (lack of) reactions from the audience. It’s one thing to do a set where the audience doesn’t laugh, it’s another when the audience doesn’t move or blink and are most likely just staring at the pretty colors they see dancing around you. After a few of us performed, the manager was encouraging people in the Cobra Lounge to get up and tell jokes themselves. They were telling fucking knock knock jokes. It was ridiculous. Was that their interpretation of what we do? After we pour out our souls telling material that took us real time and energy to write, some dumb fucks go up, introduce themselves as standups and tell knock knock jokes? I’m fine with that, whatever. But then this guy goes up and tells the following joke:
“What’s the difference between jam and jelly? You can jam your DICK DOWN A BITCH’S MOUTH!!!”
Commence Jessica Sele Melt Down (JSMD).
I started crying and shaking and was swiftly escorted to the Ranch Room (B’ham dive bar) by my fellow comedians. I was very clearly angry and I don’t think they really knew what to do. They made me laugh some and bought me chicken strips and a beer. I didn’t want to but felt I had to explain that I’m a survivor of sexual violence and that the “joke” we heard was very triggering for the image it presented as well as the language. It’s hard enough being the only girl but then to be crying about something uncontrollable and triggering makes it even more difficult. I knew that I shouldn’t have been, but I was embarrassed. It’s ideal for a comic to be able to take pain and anger and gain power from that through really good comedy. Through humor I can reclaim spaces. I can have the last word and the last laugh. I can make something terrible into something laughable. It relieves fear and helplessness. However on Tuesday night I couldn’t quite shake off my hurt. I felt alienated and disrespected not only as a woman and a survivor but as a comedian. Shitty jokes fucking insult my fucking art. FUCK. So I told the guys I’m not sure that I can do it anymore. Does the good of doing comedy out weigh the pain, the disrespect, the vulnerability, the cold nights at the Cobra Lounge, the bad grades, etc? Then my friend James said something that struck me; he said, “Our cuts are deep but we are deeper than our cuts.” Then we drank to it, “Deeper than our cuts!” Clink.
Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but I’m infinitely strong. I’m so much more than a survivor or a woman. Also, I’m fucking Goddess/ rising phoenix/ warrior who happens to be FUNNY ALSO.
ALSO.
I spent the entire next day pretty much just hiding in my room and watching Conan. It needed to happen. When rape culture gets you down, watch Conan O’Brien…
I feel like writing the sickest/ gnarliest jokes about rape culture and people who tell poorly written and uninteresting rape jokes. I want to use my voice to get people laugh with me about things that we cannot let have power over us. Watch out 18 year old culturally appropriating, privileged, hookah smoking stoners. Next Tuesday I’m gonna be funny with a fucking vengeance. I’m going to MAKE YOU laugh. Mwahaha! MWAAAH HA HAA!

Funny Not Slutty? Dangit!

So it's been a little bit since the last time I've written. I was busy with finals (hey fifth year of college!), volunteering (a donation to DVSAS in a family member's name could be the perfect holiday gift!) and well, writing and performing comedy. I competed in my University's version of Last Comic Standing and won which was really fun (but not as fun as performing with comics who are becoming my friends and putting on a good show with a bunch of my best friends in the audience!) The prize was an opening spot for an Upright Citizens' Brigade show. That was also fun and of course I took them out to show off Bellingham's local dive bars after the show, ending the evening in drunken karaoke. For the record, karaoke with experienced improv comics is as much fun as it sounds like and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't throw my bra at one of them for singing an excellent version of an Otis Redding song. Which Otis Redding song? No idea.
But at any rate, I've been doing comedy for a few years but since I started this blog a few months ago and started holding myself accountable to BEING A COMEDIAN and DOING COMEDY I've learned about myself and others and life. I've been going places I normally wouldn't go (The Cobra Lounge) hanging out with people I normally wouldn't (bros) and learning things about myself and people that I wouldn't have otherwise. I'm really loving it. With that said, it's difficult.
My life seems as if it is in a bit of a transitory phase. Which is good I suppose. As my friends and I are graduating college and moving away, our communities, lifestyles, and beliefs are shifting. We're changing. And people always should be.
Evolving.
Still, as I'm stretching myself and my ideas about comedy and society (to be open and postmodern to a degree that would have made me throw up in my mouth a couple years ago)I can't imagine myself not needing a feminist community. I need radical freaky weird girls around me to be sane. Often I go about my life worrying if people like me and assuming they don't and feeling like I don't fit in. Which is fine, because I'm a comedian. It's also fine because I'm a feminist. Rad, hairy, hysterical feminists make me feel like everything makes sense because they all know as I do that nothing makes sense. I also feel this way about comedians.
Can I combine my love of social justice with my love of comedy? Where is this community?
Time for some quick online research...
Seemingly the most active site for feminist comedians is Funny not Slutty. I'd like to start off by pointing out that I think this is a rad thing as are all hubs for women making connections. Although, those of you who know me, know that I am against a funny/ slutty dichotomy. Their slogan is "Funny not Slutty, We make women laugh." 'Tis a noble cause. But why the name? They Say, "Well, when you get a number of females together who want to show off their stuff to get attention, they are usually slutty chicks. But we’re not. We’re funny chicks!"
DANG IT! NO! I hate this divisiveness amongst women. It's "we're better than you because we're funny not slutty."
Personally, I'm pro slutty. I would hope my humor has an anti slut-shaming message. Can we stop pointing the finger at women? Lets challenge patriarchy, not just the women who are living within and surviving a patriarchal society. Can we start respecting women already?
It's true, I have short hair, rarely wear make up and don't shave. I don't look slutty. And I do comedy, so I'm funny. This leaves men and some women who think it is a feminist action and think it's appropriate to bash other women to me because the these women wear short skirts and lots of makeup and flirt with boys.
One time for Halloween, I dressed up as a slutty firefighter in a blond wig and even some of my own friends who didn't recognize me looked at me like I was a piece of garbage and men felt even freer than they already do to harass me and grab me. However, this is what we tell women to be. No matter what you do or how you look, you can't win.
You're too pretty, too dumb, too slutty or too bitchy, too ugly, too crass, etc... Either mainstream society, or men, or feminists or whoever will judge you.
Furthermore, I believe the reason a lot of women don't do comedy is because being funny is seen as the antithesis of being sexy or pretty which is what society is most concerned with women being. This leads me to ask...
Can I live?
Can
I
LIVE?
I see women who might be stereotyped as "breezies" to be some of the most receptive to my comedy. I would hope they leave feeling uplifted and inspired and respected. If I achieve this with my comedy, that would be really incredible to me.
It's about people feeling comfortable in their own skin and laughing at all the reasons they aren't. Or something.

Another site that I really liked but didn't seem to be updated regularly is Wisecrack. I especially enjoyed their interview with Margaret Cho. That was a really neat and helpful article to me. I liked it when she gave advice that suggested not sleeping with male comics even though you will. Tell me about it.
This interview with Morgan Murphey was also inspiring and informative. It is "On Sisterhood in Comedy and Making People Laugh."
These lady comics are affirming my understanding of the need to have a supportive lady community in my freaking life.

My friend Jenn says (and I think she's quoting someone, likely a riot grrl rock girl from Olympia of some mid 90s type), "Everybody needs someone to get them, if only for 15 minutes." This is so true. Could be family, activists, feminists, comedians and generally human beings. Just gotta keep living and growing, pushing myself and staying true to my core. Ultimately not worrying about those who "don't get me" and giving back those who do. That's my advice to my funny/ slutty/ whole human being self. Through the years I hope to revisit this as my life/ career progresses.

EVIL

On facebook chat:
Me:Oh no, My set for Last Comic Standing is pure evil...
Janette Casolary: What kind of evil?
Me: Female sexuality evil...

Oops!
Sorry Pope Benedict!


Also, could you look any more like the Empirer in the Empire Strikes Back? Yikes.